You Count Sheep, I'll Count To Ten
by Aiselne Phoenix Nocturnus
Summary: It is half-past two o'clock in the morning and Albedo can't sleep. Whatever is an insomniac little brother to do? Easy: annoy the living, or subconscious, heck out of his older brother. Post-Episode III. One-Shot.


_**You Count Sheep, I'll Count to Ten**_

**SUMMARY**: It's half-past two o'clock in the morning and Albedo can't sleep. What's an insomniac little brother to do? Easy: annoy the living, or subconscious, heck out of his older brother.

**GENRE**: Humor/General

**RATED**: PG-13 / T  
**NOTABLE CONTENT**: Language and Some Crude Suggestive Humor

**PAIRING(S)**: Contains minor mentions/hints of Jr./MOMO, Rubedo/Sakura, Rubedo/Albedo, and Shion/Allen *

**COPYRIGHT NOTE**: I don't own _Xenosaga_

**STORY TAKES PLACE IN**: Six months after _Xenosaga: Episode III – Also sprach Zarathustra_

**COMMENTS**: Actually, I love reading/writing stories with bickering pairs. It's not uncommon for me to write a story where two characters fight back and forth, page after page of them shooting one insult after another. Since so many stories about Jr. and Albedo are on the dramatic side (my stories included), this is my attempt at writing a more humorous scenario about the twins. Essentially, this is comical drabble mirroring my fondness for pitting Jr. and Albedo on semi-civilized terms ("semi" being the key word). We all know Albedo loves to torment Jr., and the two are always fighting/arguing in the games. Thus, let's see how they fare when those fights get on the humorous side, though this story isn't _all_ fun and games, either (there'll be a few semi-serious moments, too, hence why this story's dubbed "humor/_general_").

* Pairings-wise, this story mentions/hints various pairings, but nothing's overly dominant. There are mentions of both Rubedo/Sakura _and_ Jr./MOMO in this (quite comically, I might add), along with a few references to Shion/Allen (another weakness of mine). This is also my first attempt at writing a semi-Rubedo/Albedo story that's got more concrete yaoi-ish implications than my other story "PATHOS." But like I said before, the pairings on this story are pretty much kept low key since this wasn't meant to be a romance story. The prime focus here is classic bickering via insults only siblings could get away with.

Enjoy and please review.

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You Count Sheep, I'll Count to Ten

_Aiselne Nocturnus_

It was two o'clock in the morning on board the _Elsa_. Stationed at a small docking colony for overnight, the starship sat idle while its passengers got a good night's rest. The ship's interior was dark and desolate; all the engines and lights turned off, and every passenger, from human to droid, slept.

Downstairs, the shut-downed droids 'rested' in the hanger. The Professor and his Assistant #1 Scott and (drafted) Assistant #2 Allen all conked out in the adjacent laboratory after a long hard day of working on Erde Kaiser, and drinking. Speaking of drinking, a drunken Matthews was out cold in the upstairs bar, snoring up a storm alongside his booze buddies Tony and Hammer. Nearby in the lady's quarters, Shion and the Godwin sisters were sound asleep, their beds enchantingly illuminated by a soft blue glow from the jellyfish tank.

Next door in the men's quarters slept Jr. in his bed. Ordinarily, he and Allen shared the men's cabin. However, since Assistant #2 was currently unconscious downstairs, Jr. was graced with the luxury of having the room all to himself that evening. Such was a godsend, since Allen was a loud snorer and constantly muttered in his sleep "Chief…Chief…" Jr. _really_ did not care to know _how_ Allen was dreaming of Shion, though Jr. had a gist. After all, Allen's vacant bed was surrounded by photo-covered walls displaying candids of him and his new girlfriend from the past six months of their slowly blooming "relationship."

Across from Allen's little shrine was Jr.'s bed, surrounded by stacks of various old books towering a few inches over the bed's frame. The redhead's peaceful slumber was as childlike as his appearance mimicked, while his wall-mounted Makarovs hung above him like stainless-steel dreamcatchers. Sweet dreams were underway for the U.R.T.V., sublime little fantasies that provoked a boyish smile on his lips:

"_Jr.! I'm so happy to see you again!" She would squeal, that adorable pink-haired Realian, running to him with open arms. They would embrace, and her hair would smell as fragrant as the peach blossoms she was named after. "I missed you so much!"_

_He could not argue with her, since he missed her, too. God, how long had it been since they last saw each other on board the Dämmerung? A month? Two months? Three? More? Whatever the timeframe was, it was too long. "I missed you, too, MOMO."_

_She would giggle cutely, perhaps a bit embarrassed by his sweet response. "Really?" Then they would part and he could see her stare down coyly at her shuffling feet, attempting to hide the pink in her cheeks. The Realian would seem as though she wanted to say something, but always hesitated before mustering the courage._

"_Say, um, Jr.?" she would timidly ask, barely above a whisper so only he could hear. "After you and the others get settled, would you…" There would be a pause, a chance to purse her lips for a second before pressing forward. "…Well, there's this cute little café that opened up in the Dämmerung's city sector, and, um…"Another pause, another foot shuffle, and her hands would start fiddling behind her back before she finally managed to finish. "Well…I…uh…would you…um…like to go there…" She would swallow, and then slightly raise her reddening face while her pink lips managed to add, "…With…me?"_

_She looked so cute. Her face was pinker than her hair and her body innocently shifted its weight from side to side in a timid, sheepish manner. Her tie, bows, and pink skirt would elegantly sway in coordination with her shifts. The rose-colored shoes on her feet still shuffled occasionally, while her body motions made the wavy pink locks framing her face tickle her blushing cheeks. MOMO was absolutely adorable, like a peach angel._

"_Jr.?" She would ask, probably after waiting so long and getting no answer. Her head would cock curiously, making her wavy locks dangle across her flushed features._

_Then he would finally notice how his words did not seem to easily flow out of his own mouth. In an attempt not to fiddle with his own hands, one hand would start hesitantly rubbing the back of his neck while the other hid inside his jacket pocket. Whenever she dared to glance back at him with her amber eyes his sapphire eyes would involuntarily dart in the opposite direction. He did not dare attempt to know what condition his face was at the moment, either._

"_Jr.?"_

_Of course, he could not ignore her, either. He was, after all, the older one of the two, and with age came an expected level of responsibility and maturity. Sometimes (well, actually many times) it was nice acting the age his appearance mirrored, but other times, like now, it was better to act his real age._

"…_Well…" he would start, attempting to formulate his words as wisely as possible. He did not want his habit of mouth-shooting to erupt at a time like this. "…I'm not really into…you' know, the 'café scene'." Naturally, the second he said this he could actually see her heart breaking behind those glossing amber eyes. Damn, he had a weakness for those eyes. Her eyes were all it took for him to say 'screw it' to maturity levels and make the little lady happy. MOMO's happiness WAS his first priority, after all._

"_But…uh…heh," he would chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood before any tears emerged from her beautiful eyes. "…I AM more of a 'dinner-on-board-the-Elsa' kinda' guy. I'll bet it's been a while since you've had Shion's curry, huh-?"_

_He would never get an answer, or at least, a verbal answer. There would never be enough time for an answer before she would jump back into his arms. Any evidence of sadness vanished, and instead she would start hopping like a Bunnie while excited giggles left her smiling lips. "Oh, that's a great idea, Jr.! I love it!" she would gush, hugging him so close his nose would once again get lost in her perfumed hair. He was not complaining, of course. He liked being with her, just like he enjoyed being with…_

"_Rubedo!"_

_The call of that name always got his attention. The voice that accompanied the call was also more than enough of an incentive for him to spin around, breaking the hug. However, not two seconds after breaking one embrace, another would crash into him. Slender arms would then delicately lace around his neck, while his nose collided with another head of hair. This hair, however, was darker and did not smell of peaches, but…_

…_Cherries._

"_Rubedo!" she, the other one, would squeal, her voice sounding almost identical to MOMO's, albeit more tomboyish. Her face would rise, managing to lock her emerald eyes with his sapphire ones, and he would find himself lost in yet another pair of intoxicating eyes._

_These new eyes, however, were less jovial than the amber ones. These green eyes were slightly…irked, albeit playfully. "Rubedo, you promised we'd have dinner at my house, re-mem-ber?" she noted sing-songy, parting from him and waving a teasing index finger._

_Honestly, he really could not remember. Scratching the back of his neck again, his eyes started darting again, to and fro as if a tennis match was going on between the two girls. "Um…not really, Sakura," he skittishly admitted honestly, though his answer did not sound very convincing, whether he spoke the truth or not. "When did I say that?"_

"_Last night," the tomboy would smirk matter-of-factly, before placing her hands on her hips and cocking her head, making her dark hair sway like her sister's. "You said you'd help me cook and everything, right before you woke up."_

"'_Woke up'?" he would blink, estranged by her words. "…From what?"_

"_Your dream, silly," Sakura would angelically giggle, before wrapping her arms back around the confused boy's neck, her lips so close to his face he knew he blushed. "You promised me, remember Rubedo?" she whispered, her sweet breath tickling his flushed skin. "You promised…just like last time…" she included, and as a reminder of 'last time,' her lips kissed his cheek just as they had so many years ago. And just like so many years ago, his eyes widened while his face lit up a vibrant crimson. His heart fluttered and raced all at once, and he was so stunned he barely had time to react before their eyes met again. There was a cute, mischievous smile on her soft lips, before they once again sang, "Re-mem-ber?"_

_Oh, he certainly remembered. The 'act his real age' front had long since died, and instead he dipped his head sheepishly, figuring his face was redder than his hair at the moment. He knew there was another goofy boyish grin on his face, the identical look of a child who just stole money from his mother's purse…and yet greedily enjoyed whatever he bought with the cash (at least before the punishment)._

_Speaking of punishments, or more so a serious reality-check, he jumped slightly upon noticing another pair of arms slink around his neck, on top of Sakura's. The scent of peaches returned to his nose, and he hesitantly turned to his other side where MOMO's amber eyes were waiting. "Jr.! What about our dinner? You promised me, too, remember?"  
_

"_I…uh…." Noticing the pickle he somehow entangled himself in, he nervously glanced back and forth between the two girls. Cherries and peaches fragrantly enveloped him, creating a very sweet scent, but a scent that was slowly overwhelming him, too. "Um…" Normally, he was very good at making rational decisions, but this time around, he was stumped. How could he choose? _

"_Who's it going to be, Rubedo?" Sakura's shimmering emeralds would ask._

"_Tell us, Jr.!" MOMO's iridescent ambers would implore._

"_Everyone wants to know."_

"_Even YOU want to know, don't you?"_

"_I…w-what?" he would stammer, trembling for an entirely different reason this time as he started getting very apprehensive. Of course, having two giggly girls hanging from his neck did not settle his nerves, either, and what they said made matters worse. What did they mean 'he' wanted to know? Of course he knew whom to choose…didn't he? "Um…I…uh…"_

…_Maybe not._

"_Go out with me, Rubedo!"_

"_Oh pretty please, Jr.?"_

"_I'll bake you a cherry pie!"_

"_I'll cook whatever you want!"_

"_Oh please say yes, Rubedo! Go out with ME!"_

"_Don't you want to go out with ME, Jr.?"_

"_Wait a minute! Waitaminute! WAITAMINUTE!!" he rapidly cried out while desperately tearing himself from the gushing girls. He had no idea how to respond to their questions: unable to choose between the two ladies that mattered most in his life. Shutting his eyes, he attempted to take a deep breath and settle his maddening thoughts. More importantly, he needed some personal breathing space._

_Unfortunately, the 'personal breathing space' was lost a second later upon feeling another arm, albeit only one, snake around his neck from behind. His deep breath got caught in his throat by the unexpected arm, momentarily choking him…'literally' choking him. He felt this strength once before, actually, though the connection did not register in his chaotic thoughts until he heard that all too familiar voice._

"_Why don't I make this easy for you, Rubedo?" that voice would utter, dripping with a twisted yet poetically-woven fusion of sarcasm, contempt, and amusement. The arm around his neck would compress his tiny throat, while a sadistic chuckle would resonate upon hearing his weak gasps for air._

_There was a height difference between him and owner of that voice. However, instead of the owner kneeling down to his shorter level, the arm nostalgically dragged him up off his feet so the strangler could whisper into his ear,_

"_Go out with ME, instead."_

_Between his overwhelmed thoughts amidst his lack of oxygen, and hearing…THAT…Jr. blinked long and hard. Upon opening his eyes, his sapphire orbs blazed with a hint of red only noticeable by the pair of malicious purple eyes bearing down on him. But instead of unleashing his power like the incident so bluntly mimicked, he screamed at the top of his lungs,_

"_LIKE' HELL I WOULD, ALBEDO!!"_

He somehow managed _not_ to wake up screaming, though as compensation, Jr. practically jumped out of his bed instead. He shot right up into a sitting position, so quickly and unexpectedly that his heart felt like it might explode from his chest. Panting and sweating heavily, the redhead took a moment to recompose himself, staring blankly at the disheveled bed sheets over his lap. Underneath, his legs shifted so he could sit cross-legged, hunching over to prop his head with his elbows on his knees. In between deep soothing breaths, one of his hands drifted to his neck, caressing it. His throat was not sore at all…he had only been dreaming.

_Dreaming._

Then again, who said he was safe in his dreams?

"Goddammit," Jr. cursed under his breath, balling a fist angrily. "Quit screwing around in my head, Albedo!"

A second did not even pass before he heard the oh-so-familiar laugh of his twin, albeit it was only via telepathy. _("You make it so easy, Rubedo"),_ sneered Albedo while Jr. grinded his teeth. _("Your little fantasies about Sakura and ma pêche make you a sitting duck for the likes of me")._

Jr. hated to admit it, but Albedo was right. Both U.R.T.V.s grew up under the constant discrepancy of watching their thoughts, lest their siblings overhear them via the mental link. Jr. knew there was never such a thing as privacy for a U.R.T.V. He knew it when he used to go by the name 'Rubedo,' and he knew it over fifteen years afterwards. _Now_, especially, Jr. figured he should have known better, seeing as his own twin brother's consciousness was sharing his body. Of course, Albedo often slept nowadays, but then again, he always seemed to know _just_ 'when' to wake up. Jr. was convinced Albedo pulled crap like this on purpose.

"The 'likes of you' should mind your own damn business," Jr. retorted in a quiet huff, sitting up straighter so he could fold his arms across his chest. His heart rate returned to normal, though he could feel his blood was still warm with anger. "How many times have I told you to quit messing around with my dreams?" Unsurprisingly, this was actually not the first time Albedo pulled this.

_("And what ELSE do you expect me to do with all this 'free time' I have?"),_ Albedo rhetorically asked, making Jr. roll his eyes. _("One can only sleep for so long, and your subconscious doesn't offer much for entertainment")._

"That's not _my_ problem," Jr. spoke matter-of-factly. "_You're_ the 'guest,' _remember_?"

_("And YOU are a very 'ungracious host,' Rubedo. Even on the rare occasions I happen to find some amusement, you have to spoil the fun.")_

"Maybe you consider it 'fun,' but I _don't_," Jr. subtlety barked, being mindful of his voice lest he awaken the rest of the _Elsa_. Fortunately, as Jr.'s eyes glanced across the room to Allen's empty bed, the U.R.T.V. was happy to know he was alone and would not wake Allen from his precious 'Shion dreams.'

_("Envious of the lovebirds, are we, Rubedo?"),_ Albedo rudely regained Jr.'s attention, much like he did in the past whenever his older twin paid more attention to something besides him. Old habits die hard.

"Who?" asked Jr., before glancing back at Allen's quarters, where photos of the new couple were plastered everywhere. "Allen and Shion?" The redhead could not help but snort back a chuckle at his brother's weird question. "Why would I be envious of them?"

_("At least THEY seem to have their acts together when it comes to romance"),_ Albedo observed, while Jr.'s eyes widened in realization to what his twin implied. _("They're DATING, too. Even if they're only going out to little docking colony restaurants they're still getting more action than YOU, Rubedo")._

"I'll thank you for staying out of my personal life, Albedo," Jr. sarcastically grumbled, narrowing his blue eyes. The redhead did his damnedest to hide the slight spark of embarrassment inside of him, lest Albedo caught wind that he was once again getting the best of his older twin. Alas, what Albedo said was no lie; Allen and Shion _definitely_ had a better handling on their relationship. However, Jr. figured his 'relationships' were completely different situations, and thus, could not be graded on the same scale as Allen and Shion's.

Of course, Albedo did not see it that way. _("Just out of curiosity…who WOULD you have chosen to go out with, Rubedo?"), _the younger brother slyly interrogated, while Jr. felt his cheeks faintly flush, just as they did during the dream. He sure hoped Albedo could not notice, though odds were, Albedo _could_ tell in one way, shape, or form.

"It sure as hell wouldn't be _you_, you pain in the ass," Jr. reassured wholeheartedly, while he could hear his brother's telepathic snickers from his end of consciousness. Jr. had become the brunt of Albedo's sick entertainment for quite some time, long before he and Albedo were rejoined as one. Perhaps, in a way, dealing with Albedo's annoyance was a small form of atonement on Jr.'s behalf. Of course, that did not mean Jr. had to _like_ it, either. "If you pull that kinda' crap with my dreams again I swear to God I'll-"

_("You'll 'WHAT,' Rubedo?"),_ Albedo cut in, his voice dripping with challenging sarcasm, while also possessing a pint of victory when he snorted, _("'Punish' me? Oh, well THAT should prove interesting, now shouldn't it?")._

Albedo had a point. Back when his younger brother possessed a body, Jr. had greater availability to "punish" Albedo if he got out of line. In their youth, it was not uncommon for Rubedo to give his twin (or anyone else for that matter) a few bruises if they set the redhead off (which was never hard with Rubedo's temper). In adulthood, Jr. just resorted with his Makarovs to get his point across. Alas, all previous forms of "punishment" resulted in _physical_ damage, and now that Albedo had no body, such punishment was voided. Thus, Albedo could screw around with his twin's head all he wanted…and there was _nothing_ Jr. could do about it.

Scoffing, Jr. bit his tongue, grudgingly admitting defeat. "Just because I can't do anything about it doesn't give you the clearance to act like an ass," Jr. grumbled under his breath. "Don't you think your pranks are a little juvenile, Albedo? You're _'how'_ old, again?"

_("Look who's talking, 'LITTLE Master'"),_ countered Albedo, once again a step-ahead of his twin. As always, Albedo knew _just_ what buttons to push with Jr., causing his older brother to dangerously grip his sheets in an attempt to quell his bubbling anger. Apparently enjoying this, Albedo snickered again alongside Jr.'s stifled snarls. It was a _very good_ thing that Albedo had no body. Otherwise, Jr. would have already shot a few rounds of lead into him for taking _full_ advantage of the redhead's height complex. Jr. was desperately losing Albedo's game, but before Jr. had a chance to explode, Albedo chuckled again before adding, _("But quit dodging the question, Rubedo")._

"_What_ question?!" Jr. barked, constantly struggling between his welling anger and his resolve to _not_ wake the others. However, if Albedo kept pissing him off like this, Jr. might wake the _dead_.

_("WHO would you have chosen, Rubedo?"),_ Albedo repeated, bring Jr.'s attention back to the original topic of conversation.

"Is _that_ why you're pulling this shit?!" Jr. demanded to know, quietly slamming a fist against his pillow. "You couldn't have just _asked_ me, could you?!"

_("As if you would have even answered. Nigredo said every time he bought up ma pêche you'd play ignorant. Of course, you were just the same with Sakura, too. It was always 'it's not like that,' wasn't it, Rubedo?")_

"That's because it _wasn't_, or _isn't_, 'like that'!" swore Jr., though he still felt looming blush on his cheeks. He was not making a very convincing argument, not that such was anything new to Jr.'s brothers.

Speaking of brothers, "Hey wait," Jr. blinked, for the first time feeling his anger pause during their conversation. Ordinarily, he would have continued to rant and rave at Albedo, but "You…you talked to Gaignun?" he asked, his voice rising with curiosity. "When? _How_?!"

_("Changing the subject again, are we?"),_ Albedo teased, causing Jr. to momentarily growl before he decided to answer Jr.'s new question. It was unsurprising to Albedo that Jr. was curious about Nigredo, especially after the youngest brother's death. _("Yes, we've occasionally talked across whatever remains of the spiritual link. He's as boring as ever")._

"You're not exactly a ray of sunshine, either, Albedo," muttered Jr., coercing another snicker from his twin. However, even Jr. had to admit that a discreet grin was pulling his own lips. Feeling a bit more comfortable with the change in topic, Jr. relaxed himself and stopped gripping his bed sheet as if he were ready to tear it apart. "So how's he doing?"

_("His schedule is about as exciting as mine"), _Albedo answered with another pint of sarcasm. _("Though he seems to be enjoying wherever he is. Citrine's there with him, too, just like I figured")._

"Really?" Jr. perked again. Granted, he was never as close to his sister as with his brothers. Yet, a part of Jr. _did_ miss Citrine in some respect, especially since he was the bringer of her death. "How's she?"

_("Arrogant as ever. SHE'S a real 'ray of sunshine' at times. Nigredo must have nerves of steel to be able to put up with an obnoxious sibling like her all the time.")_

"I can sympathize," snorted Jr. with a widening grin. This time around, Albedo just stayed quiet, clear evidence that Jr. won that 'round.' "But I'm glad to hear they seem to be getting along."

_("I suppose that's one way of putting it"),_ Albedo admitted with a snort. _("But if you ask me, Nigredo seems to be getting a bit chummy with her. The last few times he and I spoke we couldn't go two words before Citrine would interrupt. Anytime I'd tell her to butt-out Nigredo would get all huffy and defensive about it. Our little brother's gotten rather possessive")._

"Spoken from the voice of experience,"Jr. sneered matter-of-factly, tallying another point for himself on their 'scoreboard.' Rarely a day went by during their youth that Albedo would not grapple onto the redhead and attempt to keep his precious Rubedo all to himself. It was no wonder that Gaignun was getting close with Citrine, considering Albedo's possessiveness often christened Nigredo a 'third wheel' amongst the Variant boys. Rubedo often felt bad for Nigredo, but it was very difficult to spend time alone with the baby Variant when the middle child was always 'getting in the middle!' It was obvious to Rubedo that Nigredo often wished to share a bond like the twins shared. Thus, it was obvious to Jr. that Gaignun was fulfilling his childhood wish through Citrine. Plus, Jr. was always under the impression that Citrine did not lead a very 'happy' childhood, and covered such up behind a veil of arrogance. Frankly, Jr. was pleased to hear the news about his youngest siblings, because it meant Nigredo and Citrine were finally at peace…and _happy_.

"Hey, do me a favor, will ya, Albedo?" Jr. suddenly spoke. "The next time you talk with Gaignun and Citrine, tell them I said 'hi,' okay?" he asked, his grin morphing into a more modest smile. "And…tell them I'm happy for them, too."

It took a brief moment of silence before Albedo replied, _("What am I, your subconscious carrier pigeon?"),_ he jeered, causing Jr.'s smile to quickly vanish as another round of anger started to flare inside him. Of course, Albedo knew what he was doing, and again spoke just in time before his twin's lovely temper erupted. _("Tell them yourself, next time")._

Just before another round of mouth-shooting transpired from Jr., the redhead blinked and gaped silently. "'Tell them myself'?" he reiterated, blinking strangely at Albedo's even stranger remark. "How the hell do you expect me to do _that_?" Sure, if Jr. could talk to Gaignun and Citrine he _would_ talk to them, but _how_?!

_("I already told you the spiritual link isn't entirely dead, Rubedo"),_ slyly informed Albedo. _("We were, and still are, all connected by it, though it's become significantly weakened due to so few remaining"). _Of course, Albedo knew that was another sore subject with Jr., and for once, the younger twin did not dwell on such a topic. _("Still, during the rare occasions when it's functional ANY U.R.T.V. can communicate across it")._

This was news to Jr., though not entirely _bad_ news. In a way, he was thrilled to know he possessed the ability to still speak with his deceased siblings, especially Gaignun. However, before Jr. could celebrate, reality hit him again and brought an estranged frown to his face. "Wait a sec! If I could've talked to them why didn't you tell me at the time, Albedo?!"

_("I doubted my conversations with Nigredo were any of YOUR business.")_

Naturally, that set Jr. off yet again. "Oh, your conversations with Gaignun are none of _MY_ business, but my private dreams are _YOUR'S_?!" he blasted, so nearly screaming before remembering to keep his voice down. It was a damn miracle nobody ever woke up.

When the original topic of conversation returned after the tangent, Albedo chimed, _("Speaking of which, you still haven't given me an answer yet, Rubedo.")._

"And you're not gonna' get an answer, Albedo!"

_("I provided answers for YOUR questions about Nigredo. It seems only fair that you should provide me answers about…")_

"Why do you even _care_, Albedo?!"

_("Oh, I don't, really. It's just entertaining, more than anything else.")_

"Yeah, well find some _other_ entertainment!"

_("Such as?")_

"How the hell would I know?! _You're_ the cause of our 'arrangement,' anyway. You wanted it, _you_ deal with it!"

_("That's a bit extreme, Rubedo. The way I remember it, NIGREDO was the one credited with our little 'arrangement,' not me. HE was the one who chose to go inside Dad, NOT me.")_

"Yeah, sure. As if you _didn't_ know what was gonna' happen."

_("Honest.")_

"'Honest' my ass! Why _else_ would you have come back? You _knew_, dammit, just like during the space-time anomaly!" Of course, only _now_ Jr. realized it. Unfortunately, the reminder of those unpleasant memories easily mellowed Jr.'s anger with a douse of pain. The argument was starting to resurrect painful memories, ones Jr. preferred to keep buried. Jr. would have been damned if he admitted Albedo was quite literally 'hurting his feelings,' so instead he attempted to change the subject again. After all, the illuminated digital wall clock across his bed read 02:23, a time Jr. did not feel like discussing the bloodstained affairs of his past.

"I'm _not_ in the mood for this at almost half-past two in the morning," Jr. told his brother, running a hand through his red hair. Thanks to Albedo's games, the older brother definitely was not tired, but "All of us have work to do in the morning and I refuse to be walking like a zombie all day just so you can be 'entertained' at this ungodly hour."

_("Ah yes"),_ Albedo sung mockingly. _("And the search for Lost Jerusalem continues. Now THAT'S entertaining, seeing as how you and your little troop have next to no resources, no U.M.N., and have NO idea where the hell you are or where the hell you're going")._

"Be that as it may…" Jr. cut in, not wanting to admit that his brother was correct all over again. By now, the _Elsa_ crew had been searching for Lost Jerusalem for six months, and the members were just as stumped as they were after escaping Michtam. The lack of resources was another hindrance and it was always a miracle whenever they blindly stumbled upon a docking colony (it was an even _greater_ miracle that this galaxy even _had_ docking colonies!). Albedo was right; Jr. and his friends were on a wild goose chase that looked very hopeless. Yet, everyone, Jr. included, remained hopeful that their hard work would pay off, and they _would_ find Earth…someday.

"…We'll find it, Albedo, and until that day comes we've gotta' keep moving," Jr. nodded confidently. The Little Master often spoke similar words to the rest of the _Elsa_ crew whenever morale dropped, which was common due to their situation. Despite no longer being a captain, Jr.'s position on the _Elsa_ was no different than his role on the _Durandal_. He was their leader and their source of strength. Besides, Jr. did not say such words of confidence for the hell of it, either. He _truly_ believed he, Shion, and the others would find Lost Jerusalem and see their lost friends again; KOS-MOS, chaos, Jin, and all the others. Yes, the situation looked grim, but Jr.'s life was full of 'grim' moments he learned to overcome. Jr. witnessed the Miltian Conflict, betrayed and doomed his comrades, and even killed his own twin half. Yet, he still got up every morning and managed to live long enough to go to bed every night and wake up to _another_ day. He was still physically _living_, along with _mentally_ living with the pain. If Jr. could survive such a devastating past, Jr. _would_ find Lost Jerusalem.

_("Beautiful speech, Rubedo"), _interrupted Albedo, apparently reading his brother's current thoughts during Jr.'s silent contemplation. Of course, Albedo was not quite as moved by Jr.'s 'speech' as members of the _Elsa_ crew might. _("I see you still enjoy sounding tough")._

"It beats sounding like an inconsiderate asshole," countered Jr., frowning resentfully. Truly, Albedo's carefree demeanor concerning the _Elsa_ crew's search for Earth insulted Jr., along with insulting the rest of his friends. "_Don't_ mock our mission, Albedo. It's not something to joke about."

_("Actually, I was mocking YOU, Rubedo"),_ Albedo corrected, though his words did not surprise Jr. _("Don't tell me you've ACTUALLY convinced those people you're some hot-shot tough-guy")._

"This coming from a guy who used to blubber like a baby all the time!"

_("Perhaps, but I'm not the one with the 'gun' complex.")_

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Jr. blasted before managing to cover his big mouth with a flying hand. The red-faced redhead's eyes widened when he finally realized how high his voice was getting. Jr. had to remember to keep his voice down, no matter _how_ many buttons Albedo pushed.

Of course, Jr.'s patience was notoriously, and _dangerously_, running thin again. He would probably blow another fuse and wake up the whole docking colony if he did not quickly put an end to this asinine quarrel. He desperately wanted to counter Albedo's last comment, but Jr. was smart enough to know his brother was _waiting_ for him to do so, just so they could prolong his 'entertainment.' The digital wall clock was now reading 02:33, and Jr. _really_ needed to get some sleep, especially since Matthews liked his crew up by o-six-hundred hours (namely so they could have his breakfast ready for when the captain got up at o-_seven_-hundred hours. Cooking was not Jr.'s responsibility, but he still got up early, because what kind of a leader sleeps later than his crew?). Jr. still was not sleepy, but he knew he _needed_ a few more hours of sleep.

"Look, I don't have time for this," Jr. grumbled, though he could still feel his cheeks burning red at the moment, and not _just_ due to anger. There were a few victorious snickers resonating from his illustrious brother, and it took a great amount of effort on Jr.'s behalf not to start screaming obscenities. Jr. had to remember that he _was_ the older brother. Gaignun always encouraged him to act his age, after all, so perhaps now was as good a time as any to do so. Grabbing and punching his pillow a few times to fluff it (and release a pint of fury), Jr. then prepared himself to return to slumber. "I'm going back to sleep and I suggest you do the same, Albedo."

As always, Albedo did not like to be ignored, and he _definitely_ did not like Rubedo being the one ignoring him. Albedo was having fun teasing his other half, so why did Rubedo have to be a killjoy? Fortunately, Albedo knew how the redhead's mind worked, quite intimately thanks to their reconnection. Thus, it was not hard for Albedo to regain his twin's attention. _("But I'm still awake, Rubedo"), _he bluntly noted.

"Tough shit," Jr. countered just as bluntly, allowing himself to fall backwards and his head collide with his pillow. Pulling his bed sheets to his chin, the redhead then shut his eyes and attempted to fall back asleep. Jr. read about certain breathing techniques that induced sleep, and attempted his own that night.

He did not get very far, though.

_("Rubedo, I can't sleep.")_

"I don't care."

_("You're really being inconsiderate.")_

"_I'm_ inconsiderate? Who's the one keeping his brother up at half-past two in the morning?"

_("I rarely ever wake up…and on the occasions I DO, all you can care about is you and your precious beauty sleep!")_

"That's funny coming from _you_, Sleeping Beauty."

_("You wouldn't be shooting your mouth off like that if one day I DIDN'T wake up, now WOULD you, Rubedo?"),_ Albedo cleverly noted, his words powerful enough to make Jr.'s eyes slightly widen. Another chuckle resonated from the younger twin, victorious in once again regaining Jr.'s attention. _("Then WHO would be the one blubbering like a baby, hmmmm?")_

Yet again, Albedo caught him. Only this time around, Jr. wasted no time in sternly replying, "That's _not_ funny, Albedo." Jr. did not want to think or discuss such a disturbing topic any further. He wanted it to end right then and there.

Albedo seemed to get the message, though Jr.'s tone was not strong enough to silence him altogether. _("Come' on, Rubedo"),_ he egged, causing Jr. to roll his eyes at his brother's obnoxious persistence. _("Not even I know when I'll wake up again, so let's take advantage of this moment.")_

Jr. _highly_ doubted Albedo was entirely naïve to his oh-so-convenient awakenings. "How about we 'take advantage' of the 'moment' _next_ time, say…when I'm _not_ attempting to get some sleep?! Try scheduling your miraculous awakenings during the _day_ next time!"

_("How do you know there'll BE a 'next time'?")_

"What was I just telling you about that?"

_("Well, whether you like it or not, I STILL can't sleep.")_

"Count sheep."

_("Count WHAT?")_

"It's an ancient Lost Jerusalem method for inducing sleep. You count imaginary sheep jumping over a fence and it eventually bores you to sleep."

_("Sounds' invigorating, and what the hell's a 'sheep,' anyway?")_

"It's an extinct animal, Albedo. It looks like a big white cotton ball with a black head and matching four legs."

_("And THAT'S supposed to put me to sleep?")_

"You don't _have_ to count 'sheep,' Albedo! It can be anything! The sleep's supposedly induced by the _actual_ counting, not via whatever you're counting about."

_("So I can count…ANYTHING?")_

"Yes, and do so quickly before I start counting to ten!" Jr. barked, rolling onto his side and tightly gripping his pillow to suppress his reviving irritability. Fortunately, Albedo seemed to shut up after the 'counting sheep' suggestion, so Jr. could only hope that his obnoxious little brother would finally stay quiet. Noticing the sudden serenity, Jr. took a deep breath and released it, gradually feeling his body calm down. Nuzzling closer to his pillow, the redhead then closed his eyes and began his return trip to dreamland.

_("One Rubedo…two Rubedo…three Rubedo…four Rubedo…")_

"ALBEDO YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!" Jr. blasted, nearly shredding apart his pillow as he bolted up from his reclined position. However the hell another _Elsa_ crewmember never woke up was yet another mystery, but this time, Jr. was too infuriated to care. Albedo was dangerously getting on Jr.'s nerves. Strangling his pillow (something he would have loved to do to Albedo at the moment), Jr. fought hard in attempting to maintain his composure. "You're doing this on purpose, dammit!"

_("You JUST noticed?"),_ snorted Albedo, snickering like crazy at his favorite subject of torment. _("You never were a quick one, were you, Rubedo?")_

"You don't seem to be processing my words too quickly, yourself! I said go back to sleep and that's final!"

_("I can't go back to sleep if I'm not tired, Rubedo.")_

"TRY!!"

_("Isn't there some 'other' method I could use to get to sleep? Didn't you say something about reading helps you sleep?")_

Jr. paused for a moment, blinking directly at a pile of books a few feet away from him. Yes, books helped him sleep, and were looking very appealing at the moment. However, "I am NOT reading you a 'bedtime story,' Albedo!"

_("You did when we were kids.")_

"We're not kids anymore."

_("So YOU say.")_

"Albedo…I said _no_!"

_("Well, I guess I'll just have to go back to my COUNTING…")_

"FINE! I'll read it!" Jr. relented in exasperation, leaping from his bed and seizing the first book that was in front of him. The enraged redhead nearly tore the book in half when he opened it to a random page. Jr. did not even know what book he was about to read, nor did he care, as long as Albedo _shut the hell up_!

Unfortunately, so blinded by rage, Jr. forgot to realize that in order to read…he needed a _light source_. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but not well enough to read text off a page. He did not dare turn on a light, either, lest it attract any crewmember's attention. Jr. did not feel like getting caught in this embarrassing situation just because someone innocently noticed the light in his room during a bathroom trip (and knowing the captain and his drunken pals, they would be visiting the bathroom eventually).

Thus, the 'bedtime story' was useless.

"I can't read it without a light," Jr. said matter-of-factly, shutting the book and placing it back on its stack. Sitting back down on his bed, the redhead laid back down, covering himself with his sheets again. At the moment, Jr. was not too sorry for being unable to read to Albedo.

Frankly, Jr. was going to 'lay down the law'…_NOW_ (though he should have done it long before). "Now if I hear one more freakin' peep out of you, Albedo…" Jr. roared viciously, his tone indicating that he was on his _last_ nerve. Granted, Jr. could not "punish" Albedo via traditional ways, but Jr. knew there was _one_ more option. "…Then expect me to _totally_ ignore you from now on. I don't care what the hell you say…'Rubedo' _WON'T_ reply."

_("Oh please"),_ Albedo scoffed, not frightened by Jr.'s threat. _("Be serious, Rubedo. We all know you wouldn't do that.")_

"_TRY_ ME!"

Fortunately, for however unrealistic Jr.'s claim was, it still managed to catch Albedo. Many, many times during their youths, whenever Albedo irritated Rubedo to similarly dangerous levels, the redhead would punish Albedo via ignoring him. It was a very simple procedure, but it always drove Albedo crazy with guilt and loneliness. Granted, Albedo got over his fear come his adulthood, but…

_("Have it your way, Rubedo"),_ the younger twin finally submitted, much to Jr.'s relief. Although Jr. meant every word of his threat, he did not want to carry it out, either. Both brothers knew the other's weakness, solely because it was a _shared_ weakness.

Sighing as that ordeal finally ended, Jr. nestled back in his bed, wrapping himself in his sheets and burying his face into his pillow. Fortunately, Albedo's little game now tired the redhead, and Rubedo could easily feel sleep overpower him.

_("…Rubedo?")_

Jr. nearly screamed at the top of his lungs. "Goddammit Albedo-!"

_("Hold your horses. You said you'd read me a story and you didn't, so this'll be compensation. Just do me this one favor and then I'll go back to sleep.")_

"You are in _no_ position to ask me for favors at the moment. But…_what_ is it?"

There was a brief silence, yet it was long enough for Jr. to blink curiously as he awaited his brother's answer. Perking, the redhead instinctively glanced over his shoulder: a birth instinct from when they were still conjoined. Whenever Albedo was disturbingly quiet, Rubedo would glance over at his twin. Old habits truly die hard. "Albedo?"

_("Who WOULD you have gone out with, Rubedo?")_

Face faulting, Rubedo cursed under his breath. Just when he thought his troublesome little brother was _finally_ going to be serious…_Urgh_! "God you're obnoxious, Albedo," Jr. groaned, burying his face into his pillow and briefly suffocating himself. Of course, Jr. was well aware that his twin was still awaiting an answer and would never go to sleep unless Jr. replied.

Sighing, Jr. then released his face from the pillow, rolling over onto his other side. Pursing his lips, the young-looking man could feel his cheeks redden all over again as the embarrassing topic resurfaced. Who _would_ he choose: Sakura or MOMO?

"Well, Albedo…" Jr. started, sheepishly grinning as he, himself, came to a realization. "…Would you mind if I told you whenever I finally decide?" he admitted rather embarrassingly. Something was telling him Albedo was not going to accept that answer, even if it was the honest truth.

Instead, _("I suppose…"),_ Albedo relented, much to Jr.'s surprise. _("But you know you're gonna' have to make up your mind SOMEDAY, Rubedo")._

"Yeah, I know," Jr. grinned, before closing his eyes. Before drifting to sleep, the redheaded twin could not help but chuckle to himself. "Who knows? It probably _would_ be easier just to go out with you, you pain in the ass."

Albedo simply chuckled. _("Maybe, Rubedo.")_

**The End**

* * *

**A/N**: I think it's possible to actually "keep score" with this story. Every time an insult flew I could almost hear a scoreboard bell ring _Point-Jr._ or _Point-Albedo_ (though I think Albedo won by a landslide). I'm sure some fouls were called, too (the 'gun' remark _had_ to be a penalty, 'below the belt'…quite _literally_, eh?). ^_^

Sorry if the ending was kinda' inconclusive with Sakura and MOMO, but I honestly _couldn't_ picture Jr. making the grand decision of which girl he loved…at half-past two in the morning after arguing up a storm with his brother. It was just too unrealistic for me (plus, Jr. doesn't strike me as the most decisive of people when it comes to matters like these). Based on my own personal likes, I'm a rare fan of _both_ Rubedo/Sakura and Jr./MOMO, thus neither pair bothers me, so I'll leave the readers to decide who he chooses. Of course, I suppose there's always Rubedo/Albedo, too…

I hope you liked the post-Episode III concepts, too. I, like any avid Xenosaga fan, would _love_ to see an Episode IV, but fanfiction's our best bet. Thus, I wanted to try a semi-post-Episode III story that has a few thoughts on what might happen six months after the series' end. I wanted to add a few ideas on how the _Elsa_ crew's search for Lost Jerusalem was faring, along with insight on Gaignun and Citrine (I've got a little weakness for pitting them on friendlier terms, considering their little "connection" as 'executioner' U.R.T.V.s. My other Xeno fic, "PATHOS," will have similar segments in its later chapters). I hope you readers didn't find the Shion/Allen relationship pushing the envelope, but I _could_ picture them starting a little relationship (I've also got a bit of Shion/Allen in my blood whenever I'm not gushing over Jr.-related topics). Besides, this story doesn't take place _right_ after Episode III…it takes place six months later, which is enough time for a little romance to spark (at least one or two little dates like Albedo said). I hope it was _somewhat_ believable.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your impressions via a review, too.


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